Snapercup's Baby: The As You Wish Outtakes
by Darth Stitch
Summary: A series of ficlets about Katerina, “Daddy’ and “Papa” from As You Wish. Slash HPSS. MPREG. Complete.
1. Katerina's Stories

**DEDICATION:  **For Lars (ygrane), 'Femme, Murasaki, Gaycrow, Els-chan, book_wyrm and all the other "Aunts" who've kept Katerina company while she was sick and mercilessly.  For everyone who's loved _As You Wish. _  And to Frances (vileseagulls) who shamelessly let loose the monster Plot Tigger that became "How To Live Happily Ever After."

**Katerina's Stories****  
**by Katerina Potter-Snape  
Age 6 going on 7 (on July 31!)  
  


**_My Story _**

  
Jimmy has a Mummy. That's my Aunt Hermione. She's warm and funny and reads lots of books and tells us lots of neat stuff that Papa says is "useful informayshun." Oh wait. I think I spelled that wrong.   
  
It's "information." Papa says I should always check a dictionary when I'm not sure of my spelling. Daddy says I'm very good at spelling. Papa says that's because I got his brains and not Daddy's.   
  
Daddy just rolls his eyes at that. Actually, Daddy's very, very smart too and he's just not good at what Papa's best at, which is Potions. Daddy is very, very good at this other thing…um, it's long…he has a book on it. Here it is:   
  
DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS. Daddy teaches that at school. And Papa teaches Potions.   
  
Daddy says there's all kinds of smarts and he's got one kind while Papa's got the other.   
  
Papa can be very silly sometimes, even if he doesn't want to 'fess up to that. But Daddy says "I love you anyway, you greasy git."   
  
I said that to Jimmy once and he tattled to his Mummy and said I called him a "greasy git." What was wrong with that? Daddy says it to Papa all the time, just the same way Uncle Ron calls Aunt Hermione "dear." And Papa always calls Daddy "brat" the same way Aunt Hermione calls Uncle Ron "darling."  It's very sweet.   
  
Grown-ups can be very confusing. Yes, I know what that word means. I looked it up in the dictionary.   
  
Anyway, Jimmy has a Mummy and a Daddy – that's Uncle Ron. He's got red hair and freckles, just like Uncle Ron does. But his hair's all bushy, like Aunt Hermione's and his front teeth stick out a bit. Aunt Hermione says they'll fix it when they're per-ma-nent with magic. At least he doesn't ever need to wear braces on his teeth which look icky and like they hurt a lot. I saw it in a picture that Jimmy's grandparents gave him. They're Muggle dentists.  
  
I have my Daddy and my Papa and Grandpa Albus and Grandma Min and lots and lots of Uncles and Aunts. I don't have a Mummy.   
  
I asked Daddy why, one day and I think he looked a bit sad and he asked me, do I miss having a Mummy?  
  
And I didn't want him to be sad and I said "Of course not!" And I have him and Papa so I don't really need a Mummy. I was just curious because Jimmy told me all babies come out of Mummies and I thought I was just supposed to have one. That's the rules – at least that's what Jimmy says.   
  
Papa says that for every rule there's an ex-cep-tion (I checked that too) and he says that means we Potters usually break all the rules. Especially Daddy. And I'm half a Potter so I count too.   
  
And Daddy just laughs and says I was the happiest surprise he ever got because he got me on his birthday. So we share the same birthday.   
  
People say I look like my Daddy a lot – they say we have the same eyes. Papa says it's lucky I never got his nose. I like Papa's nose though and so does Daddy. Papa says we're both "daft."   
  
But Daddy says I've got Papa's hands and just maybe I might end up as much a Slytherin as he was. But I'm not supposed to let Papa know that because Papa will never let Daddy hear the end of it.   
  
So I don't have a Mummy. I just have my Daddy and my Papa and they're the bestest – I mean, the best in the world. I love them very very much.   
  
So that's my story. I want to play with the Jr. Firebolt Auntie Lars sent me but I'm still sick. And Daddy's getting me more juice and some cookies. He's going to continue my fairy story when he comes back. I like that story a lot.   
  


***

   
**_And Then Came Waverly _**

****

Papa has been sick for the past couple of days.   
  
I hear him throwing up in the bathroom every morning. And he's grouchier than usual - which is really really grouchy, even for Papa. Daddy tells me that we have to be really quiet and keep out of Papa's way for a while.  
  
Papa doesn't mind seeing me though. That's because I don't run around and make noise like "the lot of dunderheads" he teaches. I just cuddle up to him and pat his hair. And his tummy. He likes that. He says I'm restful.   
  
Daddy and I are both worried about Papa. It's not like him to be so sick. He doesn't get sick that often really. Uncle Ron says that's because Papa's too "ornery to get sick" and Daddy twhapped him upside the head for that.  
  
Aunt Hermione said that Uncle Ron deserved that. She was trying to look serious but I could tell she really wanted to laugh. Silly Uncle Ron.  
  
Anyway, Daddy has been trying to get Papa to go to Aunt Poppy for _days!_ But Papa was so stubborn. He insisted that it was just a stomach upset. Or maybe something disagreed with him at dinner. He said that he'll just take a potion and he'll be just fine.   
  
Chocolate makes him feel better though, more than any old potion. I shared the chocolates I got from Aunty Lars at Ostara and Papa liked that.  A lot.   
  
But Daddy finally had enough and well, he and Papa yelled at each other. A lot. They don't really fight that much, you see. Papa doesn't like making Daddy sad and neither does Daddy. And they do a lot of the kissing stuff after they fight, to say they're sorry. They really like doing the kissing stuff.   
  
Silly Daddy and silly Papa. They should just kiss and not fight at all. But Daddy tells me it's just part of being married. Sometimes you disagree with the person you love. Hmph. When I grow up and get married, I'm not going to fight with my husband.   
  
Papa looked a little green when I said that though. He said something about sending me into a "convent" when I was old enough but I don't know what that is. Anyway, I'm not going into any old convent - I'm going to Hogwarts, just like Daddy and Papa did.   
  
So Papa went to Aunty Poppy today and we found out why Papa's been so sick.   
  
Papa's not sick at all.  
  
He's pregnant.   
  
Papa threw a wobbly when he found out. He said he was going to "wring Aunty Stitch's neck" and hex Daddy "into oblivion" for doing this to him. But Daddy was so happy when he found out. He kissed Papa right there in the infirmary, in front of Aunty Poppy and she turned red and giggled.   
  
I giggled too. I'm going to be a Big Sister!   
  
I think I'm going to tell Papa I want a baby sister of my own. And I've been looking at this book of baby names Aunty Hermione lent me.   
  
Waverly is a nice name for a new baby sister, isn't it?

****

**_***_**

****

**_And Arthur Makes Three_****_  
_**  
I was really looking forward to being a Big Sister.  
  
Madam Pomfrey said I was right about having a baby sister. And Daddy liked the idea of naming her Waverly.   
  
Papa rolled his eyes and called us both "incurable romantics" but that's Papa-speak for "Yes, I like the name Waverly too." Papa-speak is a very complicated language, Daddy tells me. It took him _ages_ to figure it out but he says it's really nice to understand what Papa is _really_ saying underneath all the snarking he does.  
  
Aunty Stitch calls Papa "His Snarkiness" - something Papa does NOT appreciate.  
  
Papa was still pretty grouchy about being pregnant. Aunty Stitch said that "a cranky, pregnant Snape is the most frightening, formidable creature on God's green earth" and Aunty Lars always sent me a lot of chocolate to give to Papa. But Papa was still pretty grumpy about the whole thing and he did a lot of snarking until Daddy grew tired of it and dragged him off into their bedroom so they could yell at each other without the whole of Hogwarts hearing.  
  
Of course, I think they did a LOT of the kissing stuff when they were done fighting. Aunty Stitch turned pink and covered my ears when I heard Daddy make this funny noise. She said that we'd better go outside and play and leave them alone.   
  
It was a couple of months later that Daddy started getting sick in the mornings and well, _I_ was the one who made him go see Madam Pomfrey. After all, it's my job to look after Daddy. Papa, too.  
  
Anyway, Madam Pomfrey gave Daddy a big surprise when she told him he was pregnant too.   
  
And that I was going to have a little brother a couple of months after my little sister arrives.   
  
Papa said that "At least, I'm not going to suffer this indignity alone!"  
  
Uncle Ron said that Papa and Daddy were almost like Weasleys now -  were they going to have twins next? Daddy hexed him with a TWHAPPUS! for that and Aunt Hermione giggled and said Uncle Ron definitely deserved it.  
  
Jimmy was so jealous that I was going to get a little sister AND a little brother at the same time! He's just going to get a little brother now, though. He's asking my Aunt Hermione if she can have triplets next, which kinda made her turn green. Silly Jimmy.  
  
Personally, I think it's because I need help looking after Papa and Daddy. They are a handful, really. It's so hard to bring up parents, do you know that? Especially mine.   
  
Waverly's so cute - she's got a bit of red in her hair, which Daddy says comes from Grandma Lily. She's a happy baby and she loves it when I tickle her tummy and play peek-a-boo. She's got Daddy's eyes too. I think she's going make a good assistant for looking after Papa when she grows up a bit.   
  
Papa and Daddy were funny arguing about names for my little brother though. The ghost of great-godfather Sirius said it would be nice if we named the baby "James" but Papa bellowed that "no son of mine will be named James!" He still doesn't like Grandpa James very much.   
  
Daddy didn't want to name my baby brother James either but he said it would be nice as a second name. Sorta like mine is Liliane for Grandma Lily and then Waverly got Minerva for Grandma Min. I thought Arthur was a nice name - Arthur James - and Daddy and Papa thought so too.   
  
When Papa first saw Arthur though, the first thing he said was, "Oh, dear Merlin, he's got my nose."  
  
Daddy laughed and said, "I rather like your nose."  
  
I was holding Waverly then (and very carefully, the way Madam Pomfrey taught me). She giggled when she heard that and I agreed, "It's a nice nose, Papa." We both like Papa's nose too.   
  
Papa sighed. "He's not going to think so once he gets older."  
  
Daddy smiled. "I don't know. I imagine he'd be quite the dashing fellow when he grows up. Like his other father."  
  
Papa snorted. "You're daft, do you know that?"  
  
Waverly and I looked at our new baby brother then. He scowled at us and looked really grouchy. We giggled. "Papa! He looks just like you when he scowls!"  
  
Daddy groaned even as Papa lifted Arthur out of his cot. "Isn't it a little too early to be teaching him the patented Snape Death Glare, love?"  
  
"Some things can't be taught," Papa murmured and he and Arthur were looking at each other, like they were talking about something, only Arthur was too young to talk back. "He comes by that naturally, I'm afraid."   
  
Daddy grinned. "Now that is a terrifying thought." He reached out and Papa gave Arthur over to him and then he took Waverly from me - she was getting a little heavy.   
  
When Daddy cuddled Arthur, that was the first time I saw my baby brother smile.   
  
He smiles just like Papa too.   
  
- end of this section – 

NEXT:  How To Live Happily Ever After


	2. How To Live Happily Ever After

**How To Live Happily Ever After**  
by Darth Stitch  
  
**_Harry and Severus__  
_**  
The business of living happily ever after is not as easy as it looks.  
  
Harry Potter never expected to live "happily ever after." Ever since his unasked-for Grand Destiny was unfolded before him, complete with The Malevolent Evil Villain and the Unavoidable Prophecy of Doom, he had slowly become resigned to the fact that he just might end up Dying Heroically To Save The Wizarding World And The Rest Of Humankind.   
  
That kind of resignation to his fate didn't come easily. He raged and raged against it for quite a long time when he found out. He didn't _want_ to die and he never thought of himself as some kind of Magnificent Hero. He didn't even _want_ the job in the first place.   
  
All he ever wanted was to get away from his horrid relatives and well....find some place where he was wanted, some one who would love him just as he was, plain, freaky, oddball Harry Potter - scar, ugly glasses, messy hair, knobbly knees and all.   
  
Severus Snape never expected to live "happily ever after" either. When he was younger, he dreamed of being respected and admired by his peers and the rest of society. He'd been awkward and ugly, with a nose far too big for his face. All he had was his brilliant, razor-sharp mind and his skill at Potions and defending against the Dark Arts. He wanted to get away from his miserable home and from his poor excuse of a sire and he wanted revenge against the gang of Gryffindors who insisted on bullying and humiliating him as a sort of perverse amusement.   
  
And then, he'd made the worst of all mistakes and became one of Voldemort's Death Eaters. He thought that he would find the respect he craved there and more power and knowledge that he had ever dreamed of. And indeed, he learned much under Voldemort's service, how to wreak death and destruction and suffering with consummate, almost artistic skill.   
  
What they didn't teach him was how to ward his dreams from being haunted by blood and screams and pleas for mercy. They never taught him (or perhaps he could not learn) how to kill off his conscience and humanity so effectively that he could do all the atrocities Voldemort bade him do without a second thought. And so, Severus Snape found himself at Albus Dumbledore's door, trying to find a chance, however infinitestimal, of atonement, of redemption, of forgiveness. He rather thought that he might as well end up Dying In A Hopefully Successful Attempt To Save Dumbledore Or Harry Bloody Potter and find his salvation there.  
  
So it was quite unexpected to both men that they were alive and Voldemort was finally, definitely, dead (and no coming back from beyond the grave this time!). And it was quite unexpected that after years of animosity that were colored with point-taking, detentions, shouting matches and serious hexing, that Harry Potter and Severus Snape would fall in love with each other.  
  
Severus never expected to find love, fall in love or be loved by anyone, much less Harry Bloody Potter. He'd loathed Harry's father for being an arrogant, bullying prat and he'd fairly much expected that the son would be just the same. Also, Harry was his student, old enough to be Snape's _own_ son. Never mind that Harry was quite over the age of consent; _Professor_ Snape did NOT think of his students in THAT way. Ever. It was practically obscene.   
  
And yet, he'd ended up loving that daft, exasperating, reckless, wild-haired boy, who'd grown up and become this wonderful, courageous young man right in front of his eyes and who, quite inexplicably, loved him right back.  
  
Harry never expected to find love, fall in love or be loved by anyone just as he was, just for himself. He knew that the Great Hero Harry Potter loved by the Wizarding World bore little to no resemblance to his actual self. And while he loved his two best friends and the second family that had practically taken him in as another son, he'd wistfully dreamed of finding just that One Person, that One True Love he could have for his very own. He just didn't expect that this One True Love was actually Severus "That Greasy Git!" Snape, who he'd been at odds with practically the first time he stepped into Hogwarts.  
  
And yet, he ended up loving that snarky, arrogant, bitter, sarcastic, brilliant man, who protected and taught him even as Harry felt the sting of his harsh words and who, quite inexplicably, loved him right back.   
  
So there it was, finally, the two of them together after more snarking, misunderstandings and arguments which ended up with a rather heated first kiss and much much later, a first night of lovemaking that left them breathless and sated and _complete._ Which led to more exquisite nights of making wild passionate love or perhaps, just snuggled together in bed, safe, warm and _content._ Days were spent in what Severus termed as "blessedly ordinary, sweet domesticity" and what Harry called "utter bliss."  
  
Of course, there was great fun in enjoying the thunderstruck expressions on the faces of their friends and the sly twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes (because, in fact, he'd won a very large amount in the betting pool). And Severus prized the issue of the Quibbler that announced, with very large block letters, his marriage to one Harry Potter - breaking the hearts of witches all over the Wizarding World. Harry had it framed and hung over their mantel, especially since the major scoop scored by Quibbler reporter Luna Lovegood made that bitch Daily Prophet reporter Rita Skeeter so angry that she'd blown herself away into the Bermuda Triangle, never to be seen again, only leaving behind her high heeled shoes.   
  
And then came Katerina.   
  
They thought Hermione had inadvertently witched Harry with her symptoms of pregnancy at first.   
  
That happened sometimes, but usually the witch directed that to the _father_ of her forthcoming child and _not_ the hapless best friend who was quite excited at the prospect of becoming a godfather.   
  
Harry never expected that _he_ would, quite literally, father a baby into this world. Male pregnancies were rare, although not unheard of, in the Wizarding World. Still, Harry never expected that he'd be that one-in-a-kazillion wizard who could conceive and bear a child of his own.  
  
Then again, _everything_ tended to happen to Harry - what with odd abilities, unusual powers and yes, that pesky Grand Destiny - so he really shouldn't have been surprised anymore.  
  
Merlin, it was ridiculous - a pregnant _man?_ He looked awkward and ungainly waddling around with that distended belly. He did, however, treasure the look of rapt adoration Severus had in his eyes whenever he saw Harry - although Severus would heatedly deny that he was capable of such "maudlin behavior."  
  
But both fathers were quite hopelessly sappy the day Katerina came into the world, falling under the spell of the little girl's beautiful green eyes. They settled into their roles as fathers with a minimum of fuss - Harry was "Daddy" and Severus was "Papa" - and they were prepared to give their precious little girl the happy childhood they never had.  
  
Of course, Severus didn't expect that _he_ would be the next one-in-a-kazillion wizard who could conceive and bear a child of his own seven years later. Perhaps Harry's tendency to attract Weird-Ass Strokes of Fate was beginning to rub off Severus as well. Severus did NOT take kindly to that notion.  
  
Little Katerina was pleased at the prospect of having a baby sister though. And all three of them thought that the name Waverly would be perfect for this new little person.   
  
And then, since Severus was so unhappy at having to put up with this "Absolute absurdity!" of being pregnant, he went and got Harry pregnant as well.   
  
And this accounted for Arthur, who came along two months after Waverly.   
  
Which brings us to the next part of living happily ever after.  
  
**_Katerina_****_  
_**  
Katerina was firstborn and there was a certain magic in being this first precious child born to her parents who had assumed that she would be the one and only child. She had Harry's green eyes and Severus' high cheekbones and her features were a rather pleasing mix of both parents. And Severus noted with relief that she was spared the Snape nose.   
  
However, the little girl had taken quite well to the notion of having siblings and she had quickly taught her younger brother and sister the rather challenging task of raising their sometimes silly parents.   
  
When she was old enough to attend Hogwarts, the Sorting Hat placed her in Gryffindor, shocking Harry, who had been quite sure that his devious little kitten was meant for Slytherin. But then, he kept forgetting that cats had their own kind of cunning and this young Kat made her mark in Gryffindor, stepping quite easily out of the shadows of her rather famous parents.   
  
Katerina was Seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch team and Gryffindor practically had the Quidditch Cup glued to their mantel for the next six years. She did quite well in whatever subject she turned her hand to (except Divinations) except that sometimes she was found neglecting her homework to write all these little stories and poems in her favorite and somewhat battered journal.   
  
Katerina loved stories and she badly wanted to write some of her own. Ideas came into her head and the words would pour out of quill and ink and onto parchment.   
  
And perhaps it wasn't a wonder that The First Great Tale that she was finally able to publish told the story of a boy wizard and his adventures, loved by Wizarding and Muggle children alike.   
  
**_Waverly__  
_**  
Waverly looked much like Katerina did, except that she had red highlights in her dark hair. And like her sister, she was sorted into Gryffindor and was not half bad at Quidditch either - she was a good Chaser.   
  
However, the similarities between the sisters ended there.   
  
All three children had a knack for getting into and attracting trouble, an ability they came by honestly, considering their fathers. (Or _one_ father, as Severus would claim with a disdainful sniff.) However, Waverly took that affinity for trouble to new heights.  
  
Because, of course, it _would_ be Waverly who brought the baby basilisk home.   
  
Fortunately, this baby basilisk didn't have that ability to turn one into stone with its mere look - a lucky defect of birth. According to Severus, perhaps it was the infamous Potter luck, because anyone who had a love of Dangerous Magical Creatures that Waverly did definitely needed it!  
  
At least, Severus didn't have to worry about getting basilisk skin for his potions ever again.   
  
Hagrid was delighted to have someone to share his affection for the "wee beasties" and Waverly took them all on with a wink and a grin - blast-ended skrewt, dragon and hippogriff, caring for them with a gentle hand.   
  
But Waverly loved dragons best and if her father spoke the language of snakes, it seemed that Waverly knew how to speak to dragons, who apparently regarded her as one of their own.   
  
Like her Daddy, Waverly loved to fly - it was just that she preferred flying on the back of a dragon than zooming around on a broomstick. And fly on them she did.  
  
**_Arthur_  
**  
Arthur was the only child who had inherited Severus Snape's rather prominent nose.   
  
He was also the only child who not only managed to inherit Harry's green eyes but his shortsightedness as well.   
  
Harry loved this little replica of his husband and often, the little boy, who was so serious and solemn around other people, was usually seen smiling whenever he was held in Daddy's arms.   
  
Arthur and Papa however were often engaged in long, serious conversations (Severus absolutely _refused_ to speak to any of his children in "baby talk"). Perhaps this explained why Arthur, at the tender age of one year and six months, called Severus' unruly class of Slytherin and Gryffindor first years "dunderheads" and Albus Dumbledore as "a meddlesome old coot" in clear, precise, ringing tones.  
  
It was the first time in the history of Hogwarts that the Headmaster fell off his chair keening with laughter.   
  
Arthur grew up to be far quieter and far more reserved than his two sisters. While he was a fair hand at Quidditch - he made a good Keeper whenever he and his sisters played the game - he preferred curling up in a sofa to read or to watch his Papa work in his laboratory. The Sorting Hat debated whether to put him into Ravenclaw or Slytherin but in the end, decided to put the young man in the House of the Snake.  
  
And of course, Arthur's passion was for Potions. Of course, that was until he met Francesca.   
  
**_The Business of Falling In Love_  
**  
When Katerina reached that interesting age when girls began to notice boys, Harry and Severus seriously considered sending her into a convent.   
  
Actually, Harry entertained that notion for a full five minutes before giving it up with a rueful laugh. Severus was seriously considering it for a full _month_ before Harry finally managed to cure him of that absurdity.   
  
Of course, both fathers firmly believed that no one was good enough for their beloved firstborn.   
  
However, Katerina convinced them otherwise when she came home and introduced them to her fiance, Lucien Charles Malfoy - son of Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley. The young woman was very persuasive, as Draco himself could attest.   
  
And of course, leave it to Waverly to fall in love with a vampire prince.   
  
Severus took out the Vampire Repellant Potion and Harry had busied himself with sharpening wooden stakes and looking up the best spells he could use against vampires. However, Waverly and her prince, Alexis Nikolaus Alyardi, managed to make the overprotective parents put away the wands and the weapons.  
  
Prince Alexis was a rather charming fellow, who convinced the anxious fathers of the sincerity of his love for Waverly. And that of course he wasn't about to turn her into dinner. Indeed there had been much angst between him and his beloved before they had finally resolved the issues between them.   
  
When Arthur turned thirty, he was already established as a Potions Master of good reputation and he taught at the Wizarding University of Oxford. He was alone and quite driven by his work, which made Harry worry over his son endlessly.   
  
Severus knew that Arthur's temperament was fairly close to his own and he was sure that his son would lay all their worries to rest....eventually.   
  
When Arthur finally fell in love, it was with a freshman university student named Francesca Morgan. Francesca came woefully unprepared for her class, which annoyed Professor Arthur James Potter-Snape to no end and when it turned out _she wasn't even in his class at all,_ annoyance quickly went up to extreme vexation. There was much snarking involved, in which Francesca gave as good as she got, which was rare since no university student wizard or witch dared to trade verbal blows with the feared Potions Professor.   
  
Of course, all this animosity developed into a serious case of unresolved sexual tension and eventually, Arthur found himself with an even worse case of unrequited love. At least that was what he thought at first since she was a good ten years younger than him and a student besides, even if she was not, technically, his own. Francesca was a rather intelligent and determined young woman who quickly disabused Arthur of that notion.   
  
When Harry and Severus heard the news, the two fathers exchanged eloquent looks which ended with Severus burying his face in his hands.  
  
Harry gently rubbed soothing circles on his husband's back. "Love, you have absolutely NO ground to stand on with this one. Absolutely none."  
  
**_Words To Live By_  
**  
Arthur and Severus were the ones who knew, with absolute certainty, that they were they only sane ones in the family. So it was not much of a surprise that Arthur approached his father on the night before his wedding, to talk about that "daft bint" who had completely taken over his heart.   
  
Severus gave his son one of his own rare smiles and said, "That's why we adore them, you know. They're daft and impossible and one day you wake up and you realize how in sweet Salazar's name did you get along without them?"  
  
And then, that smile turned to a classic Snape Death Glare, one that Arthur had learned to use with terrifying effectivness on his own students over the years. "And if you EVER tell your father or your insane Aunts that I've actually managed to say such a ridiculously maudlin thing, I will have your hide."  
  
Arthur laughed and being the dutiful son that he was, did as his father asked.   
  
-end-


End file.
